It wasn’t meant to be easy: a special memorial

Today we are observing Memorial Day in the United States. This holiday is meant to honor military men and women that have served our country and ultimately given their lives for the liberties we enjoy.

We always take some time out to remember lost loved ones that weren’t military too and today I wanted to share a couple of those memories with you (and lessons they taught me).

Born on her 4th birthday, Eddie always looked up to his big sister.

My husband lost his only sibling, Laura, half way through his senior year in high school. She and her husband of six months had a carbon monoxide leak in their home and died in their sleep. She was one semester shy of earning her degree in Music Education.

My husband was 17 and understandably, that made a huge impact on him. Honestly, his parents were so absorbed in their own grief that he was left to his own devices in many ways.

A gentleman in their church saw what was going on with this young man and reached out to him. Jim said, “Every March I go out to the lake and I go fishing for a week. I really could use a net man, someone to help me get the big ones in the boat.”

As much as that appealed to Eddie, he had never really been bass fishing. That was a skill unto itself and he was a little nervous.

But he recognized that he needed to get away and he was thrilled at the attention and the care that Jim showed him. So, he went with him that spring break…and every spring break after that for 17 years.

Yep, for 17 years they fished at the same lake. That event was a priority. Jim was very patient with Eddie. He taught him how to cast, he taught him what kind of baits to use, what kinds of rods and reels, how to drive a boat, how to clean fish, how to cook and how to untangle messes that he made. Eddie was a willing student.

'Poppa Jim' sharing a bowl of ice cream and country wisdom with my son, Mark

Jim really, for lack of a better term, mentored him. He let Eddie be his fishing apprentice. They had a great time and they developed a really amazing relationship. Jim didn’t have any children of his own, so Eddie became a son-figure.

He and Jim became bonded in so many ways. Even after we met and started dating that was one of the tests I had to pass: the Jim Thomas test. Was Jim going to like me? Was he going to approve of me? (And in his mind, he wondered ‘Will I like this girl? Will she let us keep fishing every year?’)

Two thumbs up, I passed big and so did Jim. We were buddies. I adored him. I adored him mainly for that need he filled in my husband’s life. My husband is still a devout fisherman and now he’s teaching that to our 4 kids.

Jim had this philosophy and I find myself repeating it a lot…

“If it was easy they’d call it catching, not fishing, and everybody’d be doing it. Where’d be the fun in that?”

I repeat that about my business, I repeat that about my personal goals, I remind myself that about parenting and marriage and so many things.

Jim passed away a few years ago from heart complications (I suspect it just outgrew his chest), but not before he left indelible footprints on our lives and the lives of my family.

For an uneducated country boy who called himself  ‘just a tile-layer’ – he taught us so many things.

  1. There’s opportunity in everyone. Eddie was just a 17 year old kid who had just lost his sister. Jim didn’t have to reach out to him and he sure didn’t have to invest 17 years and his fishing vacation with this kid that kept falling out of the boat, tangling up his line, required emergency room visits to remove lures from his fingers and more.
  2. It’s worth the wait (and the bait). If you give up easily – you never catch the prize.
  3. It doesn’t matter what you don’t know – what matters is if you are willing to learn. Eddie didn’t have a clue about bass fishing. He had a desire. He was smart enough to NOT try and teach himself. He was a willing student. He hung in there, even when it was hard and he knew that learning from someone with experience was the fastest route to success.

Anything worth having is worth working for and waiting for. After all…if it were easy, where’d be the fun in that?

I’d like to think I’m a fishing guide for business owners. I’d like to think that I’m loving on people and helping them in their journey. I hope so.

Do you have a ‘Jim’ in your life? I’d love to hear your thoughts below.

 

No related posts.

If you enjoyed this post, you'll love ongoing tips and information!
About Carrie Wilkerson

Consultant & Strategist for self-employed professionals & small business owners. Wife, Mom, Author, Speaker & Joyful Human! Host of http://BarefootExecutive.TV and professional encourager...I believe in your dreams, in home-based business and the power of ruthless implementation!

  • http://www.BusinessOptimizerCoach.com Stacey Hylen

    Great heart touching post Carrie!

  • http://www.gathermoreclients.com Simon Jordan

    A wonderful post Carrie. Thanks for sharing.

  • Anonymous

    see a little bit of Baby Barefoot in her daddy’s face there? LOL — thanks
    for your feedback Simon!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks Stacey! Hope you and your littles are doing great!! ;)

  • James Z

    This is going to sound crazy but I am envious of people who lost a loved one because of the transformational message received that you can only experience through death.
    I don’t know what’s it’s like to experience a death in the family… but thanks for the post.

  • Anonymous

    James – I know what you mean. There are so many lessons in loving & losing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1212476002 Bonny Copley-Toomey

    What a great post Carrie,  I had a Jim in my life but he was in fact my grandpa.  I was an accelerated learner in grade school and that created issues of isolation for me.  I could out think the kids my age but I was too young for the kids I was in school with.   My grandpa was an avid trout fisherman (Oregon lakes).  He had the patience of a saint and I NEVER remember him raising his voice.  He gave me away at my wedding and then we lost him a year later.  How I miss that man to this day.  

    Everyone should have a Jim in their life.  I would like to think I am like your Jim and my grandpa showing those with love how to utilize the tools of today to enrich their lives.

  • Patrick

    This story caught me quickly since I was a near victim of  carbon monoxide 4 years ago. It causes many ripple problems in health and relationships. But thank God, I too, have a mentor who is patient with me, knows my limitations and works around them.
    Thanks for posting

  • Tanya Smith

    A great post Carrie ( as always). I think my Jim is my Dad. He has always looked for ways to keep learning and growing, from a humble beginning in the forces when he was 15! He always used to say to me ‘You can’t do better than your best…just be sure to always do the best you can’. I still say that to myself now often :-)
    Hope you had a lovely time at Niagara Falls
    Tanya Smith

  • Lori

    A truly inspirational post Carrie. I didn’t have a “Jim” in my life but I can appreciate how special such a person would be. I hope that I have been and will still be such a mentor for others.

    Lori

  • Anonymous

    Bonny – thanks for sharing! My eldest daughter is like you – has skipped
    ahead, but in age is younger. Lots of challenges in that scenario! Congrats
    on hanging in there! And love that your grandpa never raised his voice (I
    cannot say the same about myself…something I’m working on )

  • Anonymous

    we have known several families that have detectors in their homes that have
    saved their lives SPECIFICALLY because they knew Laura’s story. So glad you
    are ok and kudos to your mentor!

  • Anonymous

    love that Lori – thanks for sharing!

  • Anonymous

    we had a great time!! And I know he’s an amazing grandpa to your
    twins…what a great role model you BOTH are!

  • http://needGod.com Stefano

    Thanks for this post.  Reminds us that life is short. We are not guaranteed another breath. Blessed Memorial Day.
    http://needGod.com

  • Anonymous

    I found this post so inspiring on so many levels. It’s sad that we have to lose people to be presented with the opportunity of meeting new ones who fill our lives for a specific reason…..but we mist be grateful that they do. I hope that I’ve go a foot in both camps – that I’m always willing, available and hungry to learn – just like Eddie – and that I can be a resource to support other on their journey, too.

    Wonderful post, Carrie. As always :)

  • Anonymous

    I was fortunate that it was my Dad who taught me something about Fishing, Camping, Survival, Mechanics, Building & How to be a Handyman and Think my way through Many Different types of situations.  Even though he had a busy Corporate Life, with my brother & I in mind, he was involved with Scouts, Sunday School and Little League. I regret I didn’t appreciate him and his efforts as much as I could have. 
    Because of that early training, I found myself better prepared when the Draft called me to service where I Fine Tuned my Survival Skills and added knowledge of weapons to my forte.Thanks to my Dad’s early training, I always had ‘Skills’ to market, so long as I was in good health. I Think of him Often and Miss him Greatly, even though Mom & I went to visit & bring him flowers just Saturday. The place looked Great with all the Flags for Today’s Celebration Service.

  • http://www.facebook.com/deannatroupe DeAnna Troupe

    I had lots of “Jims”. After all it takes a village, right? Two that are on my mind right now are my Grandpa and Grandma Spencer. They both passed away within months of each other. The thing that sticks out most about them was that they stayed married to each other until they died. I’m hoping that my marriage lasts as long as theirs did. 

  • http://twitter.com/SarahLCook Sarah Cook

    Thank you Carrie! This is truly an inspiring post and one that has touching implications for me as well. Have a blessed and safe Memorial Day!

  • http://twitter.com/kailasK Kailas

    To reach out and to accept takes a lot of courage but that is what makes us human and bonds us. Great style of writing – selling without selling.  Thanks Carrie.

  • Santa Durward

    Carrie, thanks for sharing.  Your message touched several chords.  First was of my friend Vinne, that lost his brother in a wreck recently.  The son just turned 13 Saturday. This is an amazing loving family.  There faith along with family and friends is sustaining them.  If you get a chance, check Jene’s blog http://www.jenebarranco.blogspot.com/.  I'm sure this young man and his sisters will have many “Jims” in his life.
    Next, my dad.  we celebrated his life when I was only 20.  Although we didn’t fish, he was so much a force in my life and so many others, his spirit lives on, and I see him (spirit and looks) in my sons.
    And my friend Howard, who passed out of this world in Jan.  He became my “Jim” when I moved to Nashville 10 yrs ago.  As I read your post, I realized none of us are ever too old (I’m57) to have a “Jim” come into our lives.  Howard blessed me in so many ways.  Although I wore the red suit much longer , he lived the spirit of St. Nicholas long before he ever wore red.  His love of God, family and life was and is an inspiration. 
    Blessings to everyone on this beautiful Memorial Day!

  • http://profiles.google.com/eldercaresupport Shelley Webb

    Lovely story, Carrie,

    Well, you know a bit about my dad and how I cared for him in my home for the last few years of his life.  Although those few years were tough, I was blessed because I got to know my father as a real person, not just the Dad who doled out allowance and hugs and created curfew times.

    He taught me about nature.  He taught me that robins lay 4 eggs in each nest and that if you find one less than that, the mamma robin has abandoned it.  He taught me that baby quail can fly almost from the moment of birth.  He taught me to hunt for bear when I was little (um, about 50 yards from our house, but I THOUGHT I was bear hunting at the time.)

    He taught me my love of flowers.  Even now, I have yellow lady slipper orchids in my yard that I dug up from our last visit to his vacation home on the lake.  Oddly enough, I just posted a photo of them on Facebook to show my cousins.

    He talked about World War II to my son and was one of the reasons my son enlisted as a pilot in the Marines (he’s in Quantico, Virginia at Officer’s Candidate school for the next 5 weeks). 

    He taught my daughter to drive, bless his heart.

    But most of all, my father taught me to take time to notice what the world has to offer.  Don’t rush through life, because the destination may be glorious but the journey is everything.

    Blessings,

    Shelley

  • Anonymous

    No Jim here, but sure wish I could find one

  • http://GrowMap.com Gail Gardner

     Memorial Day is a tough holiday for me because it reminds me of all the deaths that were IMHO unnecessary; however, I must be wise enough to bite my tongue and not share why my reality is so different from what many others are so certain is true.

    Your husband is very fortunate Jim was there for him and we know that your husband had just as large an impact on Jim. Whenever we reach out, we benefit as much or more than the person we assist.

    I published a post today wanting to get more small businesses to see the value in using the Internet – and then realized that some may take offense to my making that offer on this particular holiday. I hope not as over a dozen bloggers have already tweeted it so it is out there.

    Back to my barefoot writing….glad I’m not the only one. :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carol-Owens/1028750377 Carol Owens

    Great heart touching story. I have loved and lost many in my life including a grandson and granddaughter, my father and both my in-laws all within the last 10 years. So I know how important it is to have someone you can look to and learn from. I have learned to give of myself to others unselfishly, so I hope I am teaching as well as learning from them.  I am currently taking care of my disabled mom and learning from her all the things I thought I knew but didn’t.

    I have had several mentors. My Dad is probably the most notable. He taught me about growing things and taking care of animals (we lived on a farm). He was a patient man, and encouraged all of us (I have 8 siblings) to follow our dreams and do our best at whatever we did.

    Blessings
    Carol Owens

  • Sheri McConnell

    Beautiful story Carrie, thanks so much for sharing. Hugs, Sheri

  • Sheri McConnell

    Beautiful story Carrie, thanks so much for sharing. Hugs, Sheri

  • Anonymous

    you are so right Stefano

  • Anonymous

    I was thinking that too — how some folks primary purpose might be to lead
    us to other folks. Just think of how we met!! Case-in-point!

  • Anonymous

    I always love the look of the flags and flowers commemorating the day. Jim,
    your dad wouldn’t want you to have regrets – I think he’d be really proud
    that you realize it NOW.

  • Anonymous

    inspiring DeAnna – thanks for sharing that!

    Living by example is such a powerful thing!

  • Anonymous

    hoping you and the kids are having a great day together Sarah! Thanks as
    always for being such an encouragement!

  • Anonymous

    Thank you! Accepting is hard, you are so right!

  • Anonymous

    blessings to you too! And just fyi – Jim was older also — he wasn’t a young
    man when he ‘adopted’ my husband. Now I ask my husband…who is YOUR Eddie??

  • Anonymous

    Shelley – this touched me, because I know how you struggled with care and
    life and parenting a parent. Thank you for sharing.

  • Anonymous

    this is why I love reading and social media…i’ve picked up several virtual
    mentors and they may never know – but I still model after their lifestyle
    and teachings all the same.

  • Anonymous

    You are so correct – I know firsthand how Jim loved Eddie and how they had
    such a great mutually beneficial relationship. Often, when we reach to bless
    someone, we are blessed immeasurably. That is what happened to me when I
    went to ‘help the orphans’ in Kenya. I was the one whose life was changed.

    No one will be offended with you writing today. Today is only a USA holiday
    and you have a global audience online. And also – many are relaxing and
    still doing emails, etc. Do what you do on your terms and I think that is
    fine.

    You are certainly not the only one – thanks so much for chiming in!!

  • Anonymous

    Carol – thank you for sharing and giving honor to those that have blessed
    you. I appreciate you!

  • Anonymous

    thank YOU Sheri!! big hugs to the fam…I know you are having a fabulous day
    with that handsome hubby and those amazing kids of yours!

  • Valrie

    My Jim is my sis’ Vanessa. Without her I would be long gone, for real. She has literally pulled me lout of the grasp of Hell at least twice. We are only 18 months apart of age, she January 54, I August 55. We are not just sisters but best friends. I would lay down my life for her. Growing up we were called Vanalarie (combining Vanessa & Valrie)…

    In 89 our mom passes away afetr a long courageous 2 year battle woth cancer. I wa devastated. My life fell apart. My husband fell in love with another woman, I fell into a deep depression and nearly died in  a coma. Ness did the laying of the hands and saved my life literally. The doctors could not explain it. She was my second mom. I learned about the wonaly thjings from her. SHe roared when I said I wasn’t going to take this period stuff! It came lon my 13th birthday! She taught me how to sew, how nto believe in myself. She helped me move more imes than I can count… we packed up an entire house in 24 hours and moved it 5 hours away into storage.

    In ’91 when I divorced she helped me through that trial and tribulation. in 2002 when my former husband died and we lost the children of my father she held me in her arms. She cried when I married a second time to the wrong man, blind love. She was devastated when that same man ran me down and tried to kill me with his SUV and collect on a life insurance policy. Then in 2009 I was pronounced nonm-responsive and written off, beaten by depression, a mere 65 pounds and sent to a nursing home after 4 weeks in ICU in FL where I had fled to  get away from this man. Then I was assaulted by another, operated on with pins and rod in my left hand, wrist and forearm, 2 days afetr run down as a victim in a parking lot of another hit and run. No matter what I did I couldn’t get my head above water. I was drowining in my own life and fears. I was released from thast nursing home to her care as they had told if someone didn’t come and get me they would send me across the state of FL to a homeless shelter. That is love, nurturing and mentoring. She stood by me all the way. Wheeled me from the airport, had paid my airfare and drove 3 hours on July 4th ot pick me up and cried when she saw her lovely carefree sister broken, beaten, downtrodden withoput will to live. She cared for me, she carried me, without her love I would have long ago left this world. She encouraged me to blog to meet new friends and as a source to my share my poetry. I love this sister so much. Vanessa means butterfly, it ios a symbol of rebirth, and the holiest symbol on the Christdom tree.

    We go antiquing, garage sales, flea markets, and our dream is to open our own little B&B tea room and craft shop, writer’s retreat by the sea, on the west coast and live out our lives in peace doping what we love.

    Words cannot describe the heart this woman has, the sacrifices she has made in life for others. She has the ear of God, She is an interceder. Visit “ness at her blog and me at mine…

    http://vanessa-stitchesnstuff.blogspot.com

    http://poemsmyway-valrie.blogspot.com

    Today I posted on my blog as did she about our sons and how they serve our country. There are many brave people in my life to be remembered toothat have passed away, but still I want to remember her and honor her while here wioth her.

    Valrie

  • Heather

    Thank you for the wonderful article.  I love the phrase “It doesn’t matter what you know, it matters what you are willing to learn.”  I am going to put that up in my office.  As an entrepreneur it feels like there is an unending list of things to learn or master, social media marketing, invoicing, product development, contact managment systems etc.  It’s great to know there are people out there willing and able to show us the way. 

  • Cinaea

    It doesn’t matter what you don’t know – what matters is if you are willing to learn – so true. Love that you share authentic and relevant stories we can all relate to Carrie :-)

  • Elaine Morales

    Thank you for sharing this personal story, Carrie.  My Jim is a man named Carlos DeJesus.  He is the same age as my father and lives 350 miles away from me.  We have only met in person twice in the two years I have known him.  A retired lifetime natural world bodybuilding champ, he has taught me how to think like a champion in everything I do.

  • Anonymous

    learn one thing at a time. get really good at that one thing. then add
    another :)

  • Anonymous

    thanks for sharing. sounds like you are mutually blessed to have each other

  • Anonymous

    learn one thing at a time. get really good at that one thing. then add
    another :)

  • Anonymous

    thank you Cinaea…never thought my love of stories would come in handy…
    who knew?? ;)

  • Anonymous

    love that Elaine! they come in all forms and shapes, right??

  • Anonymous

    love that Elaine! they come in all forms and shapes, right??

  • http://DefyStats.com Melodee Forbes

    This is such a beautiful story.  I think I have more than one Jim in my life, but one that comes to immediate mind is Mr. Will.  He is like the grand dad I never had.. he’s 70 years old, has heaps of wisdom and advice, loves his wife, and is the richest person I know (literally and completely).  The thing that moves me about him is that he treats the janitor the same as the CEO. . with kindness and compassion, never really met anyone like him.  He has never once told me he was a ‘Christian’ but he has lived it more than many who’ve shouted it.

    The blog post also reminded me of what you’ve said to me in the email. . about patience.  Thank you for being real and honest . . .

  • Anonymous

    thanks for sharing Melodee!

  • Ibifiri

    Lovely story. I have A JIM in my life her name is Ehimen. she is my friend and business partner. she makes me believe in myself. when i am down she encourages me. she makes me understand that i can have fun in every aspect of my life.
    The second Jim in my life is my uncle who passed away in January. We called him uncle B and I love him with all my heart. He was a father to me. He was a rock to me. He thought me a lot about this world, God, integrity, love and family the importance of family. The day he died I was devastated I couldn’t believe it. Its better now, like they say time heals all wounds. But he will always be dear in my heart.
    I will never forget him.
    http://www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

  • Anonymous

    thanks for sharing your special memories!

  • Lisa Ladrido

    What a blessing Jim was to your husband and your family.  Thank you for sharing your story.   I have been blessed with a few angels like Jim in my life.   I have taken little pieces of each of them to pass down to my children and grandchildren.   God sends Angels to us all the time, it is our job to recognize them and be grateful for these wonderful gifts!

  • http://www.betterhealthtoday.co Kay Wilson

    This was such a thoughtful post and brought back many happy memories of my Dad, my fishing buddy who passed when I was 15.  

  • Carrie Wilkerson

    thank you Kay – that’s one of my favorites as well!